Talking about frustrations

It took me the whole weekend to calm down and understand why I've been feeling so mad and terrible the last few days. It probably helped that it had rained during those days off. I had the opportunity to be one with myself and contemplate about my life, what's been happening to me lately and why had I been feeling the way that I did.

I realized, I've been putting so much pressure on myself for wanting to find a new job as soon as possible. Add to that the condition that the job should be something closer to my heart, something that I would really like to do. Not that something is wrong with that. I strongly believe that if I want to have something, then I should work very hard to have it. Plus, nothing is wrong with dreaming big. The problem comes in when you give yourself too much of a pressure. By pressure, I mean, 1. setting deadlines which are quite unrealistic given that being employed quite entails being at the mercy of your prospective employer or 2. thinking so much about what other people might say or think about you.

I blame it to frustration why I have been acting so negatively not just to myself but also to the other person I love most. And though, I believe it is normal, I know on the other hand that I can do much better than act like that. Frustration seeped in when, after applying to four companies, no job offer has been showed to me yet. It could really suck out all the energy in you.

One more week to go. I'll either wait for the call from two more companies where I have pending applications or I'll go directly inquire to them about the status of my application. Fingers cross, I hope the response would be on the positive, if not, time to keep thinking for Plan B.

In the meantime, while I still am currently employed, I better do my work well and cherish the time I have as a teacher. I'm positive that I'm not stuck here for good. This is just the transition. In the end, you have to have faith in what they say that some wishes take longer time to come true.

LRT 7 and what he's thinking

I heard from Kuya Ricky that DOTC has already inked a contract with a certain corporation for the construction of LRT line 7. The line will be connecting SM North EDSA to San Jose del Monte, Bulacan. Transportation time between these two places will be lesser and it sure will be a big relief to many workers living in the outskirts.

What crossed my mind, which unfortunately didn't crossed his, is that it will be a good idea to be investing in a house and lot in the SJDM area now. I believe prospects are big for certain SJDM lots to be prime lots in the future. I feel that investing there would be good since the price isn't too high yet. Aside from that, I think it's a good idea as well for obvious sentimental reasons.

This only goes to show that he doesn't have that extra-sensory perception that I wish him to have. Really, he cannot guess what I am thinking. Perhaps, nobody can really do that.

Lesson for you Yna: Say what you want to say. Don't expect people to know what you are thinking. You'd only end up disappointed.

Mad to sober

Alright. I'm upset and I can't keep it to myself. On the other hand, I don't want him to know that I am. Still, I am keeping a strong front.

So what if he got a call and I don't? I knew from yesterday, my gut feel is strong, that those people wouldn't be considering me for a post in their highly capitalist-oriented company. I knew it. I knew it, but still I feel so upset.

They thought I'm not cut to do it. How could they be so sure? Oh well, I had given that impression to them in that less than 15 minute interview. How unfair it seems to me now?

He has a strong chance of getting in there, and I sincerely hope that he does. I don't know what my chances are. Perhaps, it is very slim.

Dear God, if you are reading this, please grant that I find the right career for me soon.

I don't want to wallow in this feeling anymore. I shouldn't be acting so bitter when we should be celebrating.

The best of luck to my Bes.

To you Yna, your turn will come. Be patient.

P.S
As you can see, the emotion in this entry has changed from super mad to mellow.
I got a call from Ems, a friend of mine who works there. It probably helped that I was able to let it out. I'm more sober now.

UP Naming Mahal

http://www.garygranada.com/Lean/04.UP%20Naming%20Mahal.htm

I found this one from Sir Ponsi's blog.
He described it as progressive but unofficial.
It sounds nice and very nationalistic and very ideal to me.

Click it and listen up!

What's your stand on capitalism?

Rafi and I went to another interview today.This time, it's with TNS, a research firm. Since he was scheduled for a ten 'o clock interview, he went to the office premises ahead of me. On the other hand, I waited til 11 AM at Jollibee, while I read the interview materials that he researched the other day.

Two people were present during his interview. There were four during my turn, which was a little unsettling. I prepared to be asked about my strengths and weaknesses, but that question never came. Surprisingly though, I was asked about my favorite TV commercial. More surprising however is that Rafi and I had the same response to this.The McDo commercial (hamdesal), though not necessarily my favorite was the first commercial that came to mind, and has perhaps made an impression on us. Another surprise was that I was asked about my stand on capitalism. It's not the kind of question that I was prepared to answer. The interviewer sensed perhaps that my heart longs to do some developmental work and that is why she asked me about my stand on capitalism.

I said that I am not totally against it but I am aware that this system has the tendency to become abusive (especially to the proles, at least according to Marx) . However, I am not also advocating for socialism as I find it so utopian and hard to realize. But of course, I want poverty to be alleviated. I believe capitalists are doing their share of alleviating it, though somehow, I have some misgivings about it.

Anyway, I think I digressed.

Going back to the interview, the interviewer was being kind when she explained that the reason she asked that question is that in the kind of work where I am getting in, we would be serving the interests of the capitalists - how to help them grow their money in that sense. Perhaps, she wanted to be sure that I am sure about where I am heading.

My answers would have seemed half-baked, trying to stand on the safe-side. At this moment, I am still trying to find for myself the side on which I can proudly say I stand.

TNS or PBSP? Nature of work might be totally different. It doesn't matter. I just want to work. At least let me try what it feels like to work there. Then later, I will decide whether I fit here or not.

Dream House

This house is big and pretty. But no, this is not my dream house.

I'd like my house to be just right for a family of four- with just enough space for everyone. Three or four rooms perhaps. A room for me and Bes, with a wide and spacious bed. A room for our kids and another room for possible guests.

I'd like to have a nice kitchen too. One similar to Chef Rob's kitchen in Chef to go. One equipped with a nice stove, oven, sink and a medium-sized fridge.

The living room should be be cozy and bright, with high ceiling perhaps. It should have nice set of couches as well and the floor covered with carpet. I want it with big windows, just like in the room.

There'll be two bathrooms. Hmm, i have to think of it yet. But it should be really clean and refreshing.

There will also be a porch and a small backyard garden where Bes and I could plant vegies and flowers.

I want the house bungalow type but since the price of lot is too expensive nowadays, a two-storey house would also be ok. The garden and the porch will still be there of course.

Uy Bes, kelan ba tayo makakaipon para sa bahay natin? :D

As I imagine it...

This is kinda mushy.

When I asked you "kelan kaya tayo uuwi sa iisang bahay?", I meant I long to be with you. Not just for a moment. Not just for a day.I want to live my life with you.

Just thinking about living under the same roof with you gives me an unexplainable pleasant feeling.I wanted to wake up in the morning with you beside me. I'd kiss and cuddle you tightly while you still sleep.I'd cook your favorite breakfast and I'd make it lovely.Then we'd go to our office together, you driving the car and me sitting beside you. We'd eat lunch together. Talk about how work has been. At the end of the day, we'd drive through the traffic to our home. We'd cook and eat dinner together. And relax and talk and cuddle till we fall asleep.
Simple yet pleasant. How lovely would that be?

I wish it will be soon - when this is no longer just a desire but a reality.

I have been through this many times.
I've fought with him a lot. I've told him that I'm bored already, that I don't love him anymore and that maybe it is best that we end our relatiohnship already.
But at the end of the day, I will end up crying just like him. I will end up saying, i didn't mean whatever I said to him. I'd end up pleading that he be more patient with me.
I don't know if this is normal.
I hate emotional roller-coastering but it seems I was the one initiating it.
But I'm happy he stayed and promises he would stay no matter what. :)

Independence day

Tomorrow is Mama's birthday and although she wouldn't be able to read this, i'll greet her anyway. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA! :)

Today, on the other hand, is 110th anniversary of the declaration of Philippine Independence. Coincidentally, today is the day when i had an interview with Mr. Enan dela Rosa of PBSP. Should i mark this day as my day of independence too? i hope so, but it is still unsure. The interview went okay. Exams followed in the afternoon. I was with my Bes, who didn't seem to be much aware of what's going to happen. Still, i'm happy he was there with me.

Last year, i've sent them my application letter and resume as i was interested to work for this org. Due to some twist of fate, it so happened that my application was overlooked and that only last week did they have interest in inviting me for a job interview.Bored as i am with the work that i am currently doing, i did not hesitate to pursue my application with them in the hope and strong belief that the work that i will be doing there will be somehow in line with my goals and desires plus my educational background.

So there I went, through the traffic jam and all. I came late even, but what the heck. I came, that's all that matters. I almost got angry with Bes because he was supposed to fetch me in our house in San Andres by eight but it was already a quarter past eight and still he was not there. But, i decided i will not get angry. (See, emotions are controllable Yna. You just have to learn how to master that. Bes is right.) For us to be there on time, I suggested we meet near Lawton. Good enough, he was there half past 8 while I was still caught in the heavy traffic jam. Too bad. I even missed the free LRT ride by the last minute. That's worse. Nevertheless, it was ok. I was at least able to get to our rendezvous at about five past nine. Then we took the pedicab and had to pay 30 for our fare. Were we overcharged?

The usual application process went. We had to fill out the form and wait till the receptionist summon us for the interview. My turn came and I was told to go to Function Room B where Mr. dela Rosa was waiting. The interview went for minutes, i was not able to count. He asked the usual questions. What are your strengths? What areas do you want to improve? He interrogated me about my previous job experiences and commended me for being so hardworking. Questions, more questions, till it was time for me to ask. And i said "are you kuya enan?" What a funny way to end the interview. :D

Since Bes was a walk-in applicant, the interview had to be done on a later date. We both took the exams in the afternoon along with four other applicants. The exams were manageable, not difficult, not easy but manageable. Then we left.

I had to tell my TL I'd be late for work and I had to make another excuse and justification as to why. It makes me feel a bit edgy whenever I had to do that. What if they find out? Isn't it wrong to tell lies? And i'd end up justifying that i have the privilege to go on leave especially now that I am regularized. I told Bes that if I continue to be absent for the following weeks, people here in the office might already suspect. That leaves me with no problem if I will have a new job waiting for me. That is actually better.

I just hope that this time, luck will stay on my side, as well as with my Bes'.
Happy Job hunting!