New life

I'm starting a new life.

Many things have changed. Some changed out of my own will. Others just changed even if I didn't want them to.

It was my will to change career. From being a teacher, I am now starting my new life as a market researcher. True, this is really new to me. I'm feeling that this is going to be quite a challenging experience for me. I can now feel how stressful this job could be. It can even be too demanding of my time. Whether I made the right choice of switching to this job, I can't really tell for now. I'm still adjusting to my new environment. I'm happy for the opportunity that I got and I am going to stick to this till I can.

New hairdo for me too. I've been used to wearing my hair long but I anticipated this career switch and decided that I will complement this with a new look. The result was a short hair for me.

Gotta bide my time here and enjoy as much as I can.

R-day

Tomorrow's it.

I wonder how will they react once I finally hand them my RL. Will they be surprised/shocked/outraged? I am excited to know. Jay hasn't given me the copy of my approved VL for next week. Should remind him about it again later tonight or tomorrow when he arrives, lest he might forgot to give it to me and turn things around once he finds out about it. I guess Jay will be saddened by this surprise. I can feel that it's a little off-timing given that we are starting to move to full blast. But, resignation is every employee's right. Consult the Labor Code if you must, or your company handbook for that matter. One only had to follow the proper procedure specified in those books and off you go.

Yna's long-awaited opportunity is coming. Gotta prepare.

"The worst thing that you can do is to not love yourself." - Nelly Furtado

Prayer and Hardwork

"Work hard. Pray. Pray. Pray. " - Mr. Jose Remo

"Stay put." - Mr. Art Muñoz

"eheheh." - Mrs. Marny Nable

A step closer

I'm a step closer now to getting a job at PBSP. I don't want to preclude the possibility of it by saying that I am 100 % sure of getting the job there.

Anyway, let me share here what happened in the interview there today. I was invited for an interview today with the technical specialists of the TBLINC project of PBSP. It to take place in their office here in Manila. The schedule was at ten am today. Supposedly, Rafi was to go with me but he was not feeling well. So I went alone.

I had an interview with two doctors. I can only recall their first names which are Dr. Gani and Dr. Dennis. If they will take me, I will be under the supervision of Dr. Gani as a Technical Assistant. The two guys gave me the impression that they were nice. The interview went a little informal with me seemingly interviewing Dr. Gani first. I asked him questions about the project and the nature of work that I might have to do with them. Dr. Gani was much more reserved than Dr. Dennis. He asked less questions. I think there were less questions this time compared to the first interview that I had with Sir Enan. It is probably because there was more discussion about the specifics of the job rather than solely looking at my personality and my attitude towards work. That doesn't mean to say they didn't ask about that. Dr. Gani for instance asked for my career objective after I asked him about the objective of the project. Also, Dr. Dennis asked me if I have any apprehension for working with them knowing that the project is funded by the USAID, especially that I am a political science graduate. I would not write here what my answers to their questions were.

In all, I think the interview wasn't bad after all. I have a strong feeling that they are seriously considering me for the post. (fingers crossed.) In that case, I will soon be starting out on a new chapter in my working life very soon.

Talking about frustrations

It took me the whole weekend to calm down and understand why I've been feeling so mad and terrible the last few days. It probably helped that it had rained during those days off. I had the opportunity to be one with myself and contemplate about my life, what's been happening to me lately and why had I been feeling the way that I did.

I realized, I've been putting so much pressure on myself for wanting to find a new job as soon as possible. Add to that the condition that the job should be something closer to my heart, something that I would really like to do. Not that something is wrong with that. I strongly believe that if I want to have something, then I should work very hard to have it. Plus, nothing is wrong with dreaming big. The problem comes in when you give yourself too much of a pressure. By pressure, I mean, 1. setting deadlines which are quite unrealistic given that being employed quite entails being at the mercy of your prospective employer or 2. thinking so much about what other people might say or think about you.

I blame it to frustration why I have been acting so negatively not just to myself but also to the other person I love most. And though, I believe it is normal, I know on the other hand that I can do much better than act like that. Frustration seeped in when, after applying to four companies, no job offer has been showed to me yet. It could really suck out all the energy in you.

One more week to go. I'll either wait for the call from two more companies where I have pending applications or I'll go directly inquire to them about the status of my application. Fingers cross, I hope the response would be on the positive, if not, time to keep thinking for Plan B.

In the meantime, while I still am currently employed, I better do my work well and cherish the time I have as a teacher. I'm positive that I'm not stuck here for good. This is just the transition. In the end, you have to have faith in what they say that some wishes take longer time to come true.

LRT 7 and what he's thinking

I heard from Kuya Ricky that DOTC has already inked a contract with a certain corporation for the construction of LRT line 7. The line will be connecting SM North EDSA to San Jose del Monte, Bulacan. Transportation time between these two places will be lesser and it sure will be a big relief to many workers living in the outskirts.

What crossed my mind, which unfortunately didn't crossed his, is that it will be a good idea to be investing in a house and lot in the SJDM area now. I believe prospects are big for certain SJDM lots to be prime lots in the future. I feel that investing there would be good since the price isn't too high yet. Aside from that, I think it's a good idea as well for obvious sentimental reasons.

This only goes to show that he doesn't have that extra-sensory perception that I wish him to have. Really, he cannot guess what I am thinking. Perhaps, nobody can really do that.

Lesson for you Yna: Say what you want to say. Don't expect people to know what you are thinking. You'd only end up disappointed.

Mad to sober

Alright. I'm upset and I can't keep it to myself. On the other hand, I don't want him to know that I am. Still, I am keeping a strong front.

So what if he got a call and I don't? I knew from yesterday, my gut feel is strong, that those people wouldn't be considering me for a post in their highly capitalist-oriented company. I knew it. I knew it, but still I feel so upset.

They thought I'm not cut to do it. How could they be so sure? Oh well, I had given that impression to them in that less than 15 minute interview. How unfair it seems to me now?

He has a strong chance of getting in there, and I sincerely hope that he does. I don't know what my chances are. Perhaps, it is very slim.

Dear God, if you are reading this, please grant that I find the right career for me soon.

I don't want to wallow in this feeling anymore. I shouldn't be acting so bitter when we should be celebrating.

The best of luck to my Bes.

To you Yna, your turn will come. Be patient.

P.S
As you can see, the emotion in this entry has changed from super mad to mellow.
I got a call from Ems, a friend of mine who works there. It probably helped that I was able to let it out. I'm more sober now.

UP Naming Mahal

http://www.garygranada.com/Lean/04.UP%20Naming%20Mahal.htm

I found this one from Sir Ponsi's blog.
He described it as progressive but unofficial.
It sounds nice and very nationalistic and very ideal to me.

Click it and listen up!

What's your stand on capitalism?

Rafi and I went to another interview today.This time, it's with TNS, a research firm. Since he was scheduled for a ten 'o clock interview, he went to the office premises ahead of me. On the other hand, I waited til 11 AM at Jollibee, while I read the interview materials that he researched the other day.

Two people were present during his interview. There were four during my turn, which was a little unsettling. I prepared to be asked about my strengths and weaknesses, but that question never came. Surprisingly though, I was asked about my favorite TV commercial. More surprising however is that Rafi and I had the same response to this.The McDo commercial (hamdesal), though not necessarily my favorite was the first commercial that came to mind, and has perhaps made an impression on us. Another surprise was that I was asked about my stand on capitalism. It's not the kind of question that I was prepared to answer. The interviewer sensed perhaps that my heart longs to do some developmental work and that is why she asked me about my stand on capitalism.

I said that I am not totally against it but I am aware that this system has the tendency to become abusive (especially to the proles, at least according to Marx) . However, I am not also advocating for socialism as I find it so utopian and hard to realize. But of course, I want poverty to be alleviated. I believe capitalists are doing their share of alleviating it, though somehow, I have some misgivings about it.

Anyway, I think I digressed.

Going back to the interview, the interviewer was being kind when she explained that the reason she asked that question is that in the kind of work where I am getting in, we would be serving the interests of the capitalists - how to help them grow their money in that sense. Perhaps, she wanted to be sure that I am sure about where I am heading.

My answers would have seemed half-baked, trying to stand on the safe-side. At this moment, I am still trying to find for myself the side on which I can proudly say I stand.

TNS or PBSP? Nature of work might be totally different. It doesn't matter. I just want to work. At least let me try what it feels like to work there. Then later, I will decide whether I fit here or not.

Dream House

This house is big and pretty. But no, this is not my dream house.

I'd like my house to be just right for a family of four- with just enough space for everyone. Three or four rooms perhaps. A room for me and Bes, with a wide and spacious bed. A room for our kids and another room for possible guests.

I'd like to have a nice kitchen too. One similar to Chef Rob's kitchen in Chef to go. One equipped with a nice stove, oven, sink and a medium-sized fridge.

The living room should be be cozy and bright, with high ceiling perhaps. It should have nice set of couches as well and the floor covered with carpet. I want it with big windows, just like in the room.

There'll be two bathrooms. Hmm, i have to think of it yet. But it should be really clean and refreshing.

There will also be a porch and a small backyard garden where Bes and I could plant vegies and flowers.

I want the house bungalow type but since the price of lot is too expensive nowadays, a two-storey house would also be ok. The garden and the porch will still be there of course.

Uy Bes, kelan ba tayo makakaipon para sa bahay natin? :D

As I imagine it...

This is kinda mushy.

When I asked you "kelan kaya tayo uuwi sa iisang bahay?", I meant I long to be with you. Not just for a moment. Not just for a day.I want to live my life with you.

Just thinking about living under the same roof with you gives me an unexplainable pleasant feeling.I wanted to wake up in the morning with you beside me. I'd kiss and cuddle you tightly while you still sleep.I'd cook your favorite breakfast and I'd make it lovely.Then we'd go to our office together, you driving the car and me sitting beside you. We'd eat lunch together. Talk about how work has been. At the end of the day, we'd drive through the traffic to our home. We'd cook and eat dinner together. And relax and talk and cuddle till we fall asleep.
Simple yet pleasant. How lovely would that be?

I wish it will be soon - when this is no longer just a desire but a reality.

I have been through this many times.
I've fought with him a lot. I've told him that I'm bored already, that I don't love him anymore and that maybe it is best that we end our relatiohnship already.
But at the end of the day, I will end up crying just like him. I will end up saying, i didn't mean whatever I said to him. I'd end up pleading that he be more patient with me.
I don't know if this is normal.
I hate emotional roller-coastering but it seems I was the one initiating it.
But I'm happy he stayed and promises he would stay no matter what. :)

Independence day

Tomorrow is Mama's birthday and although she wouldn't be able to read this, i'll greet her anyway. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA! :)

Today, on the other hand, is 110th anniversary of the declaration of Philippine Independence. Coincidentally, today is the day when i had an interview with Mr. Enan dela Rosa of PBSP. Should i mark this day as my day of independence too? i hope so, but it is still unsure. The interview went okay. Exams followed in the afternoon. I was with my Bes, who didn't seem to be much aware of what's going to happen. Still, i'm happy he was there with me.

Last year, i've sent them my application letter and resume as i was interested to work for this org. Due to some twist of fate, it so happened that my application was overlooked and that only last week did they have interest in inviting me for a job interview.Bored as i am with the work that i am currently doing, i did not hesitate to pursue my application with them in the hope and strong belief that the work that i will be doing there will be somehow in line with my goals and desires plus my educational background.

So there I went, through the traffic jam and all. I came late even, but what the heck. I came, that's all that matters. I almost got angry with Bes because he was supposed to fetch me in our house in San Andres by eight but it was already a quarter past eight and still he was not there. But, i decided i will not get angry. (See, emotions are controllable Yna. You just have to learn how to master that. Bes is right.) For us to be there on time, I suggested we meet near Lawton. Good enough, he was there half past 8 while I was still caught in the heavy traffic jam. Too bad. I even missed the free LRT ride by the last minute. That's worse. Nevertheless, it was ok. I was at least able to get to our rendezvous at about five past nine. Then we took the pedicab and had to pay 30 for our fare. Were we overcharged?

The usual application process went. We had to fill out the form and wait till the receptionist summon us for the interview. My turn came and I was told to go to Function Room B where Mr. dela Rosa was waiting. The interview went for minutes, i was not able to count. He asked the usual questions. What are your strengths? What areas do you want to improve? He interrogated me about my previous job experiences and commended me for being so hardworking. Questions, more questions, till it was time for me to ask. And i said "are you kuya enan?" What a funny way to end the interview. :D

Since Bes was a walk-in applicant, the interview had to be done on a later date. We both took the exams in the afternoon along with four other applicants. The exams were manageable, not difficult, not easy but manageable. Then we left.

I had to tell my TL I'd be late for work and I had to make another excuse and justification as to why. It makes me feel a bit edgy whenever I had to do that. What if they find out? Isn't it wrong to tell lies? And i'd end up justifying that i have the privilege to go on leave especially now that I am regularized. I told Bes that if I continue to be absent for the following weeks, people here in the office might already suspect. That leaves me with no problem if I will have a new job waiting for me. That is actually better.

I just hope that this time, luck will stay on my side, as well as with my Bes'.
Happy Job hunting!

SORRY

for the harsh words.
for the unkind treatment.
for the pain.
for the shallowness.
for the narrow-mindedness.

am i rationalizing?

one week after the interviews, still no reply from psrc.i'm wondering if they are still going to call me up and inform me that i got the job.i'm still hanging.

meantime, i'm still here at my current job. wondering how things will be if i get regularized.by now, we should have signed our new contract for regularization, yet no contract has been handed to us.(i wonder why/i shouldn't wonder why.)

i just realized this morning, while watching "THE SECRET" that i seemed to have been focusing so much on what i want but don't have.i failed to appreciate what's with me now and the good things in it. like, i may not be working in an organization where i dreamed to be working when i was young;i may not be working in line with the education that i had in college;i may not be woring for a company that feeds my idealism,but the work that i have is not that bad after all.
i have cool workmates. i get to interact with people from different culture (probably helpful to me someday, i may never know).i get to feed my idealism of doing something significant and life changing.education changes a person's life in various ways, and i am actually affecting change in my students' lives.they learn from me and i help them become more competitive individuals.that's something.

i should really change my focus now.i don't have to hate my work really.i just have to learn to appreciate it more.i'm not gonna be tied to this for long. the opportunity that i have been waiting for will come. i just have to be patient.while waiting, i better get the most of the situation.
i'm still keeping my eyes on my dreams. as to how i will get there, i have no idea.i believe the universe will unfold that mystery in time.

An Open Letter

15 months since the word was uttered, the promise was made and the commitment was formalized.15 months and we're still together, happy as before.maybe just a little more inspired and a little more committed.

the past was good, full of trials and challenges that we were able to survive. i think we're stronger than ever.

the present is lovelier.anticipating how each day unfolds and experiencing how different we were from before gives me a feeling of awe and inspiration.

looking ahead, i can see only beautiful visions of the future.with the options now laid before us, the critical thing to do is choose.but whatever path we may decide to take and wherever destination it will lead us,i don't feel scared. i know i can cling to him for support. we will brave whatever storm comes our way, TOGETHER.

to my Bes, thanks for sharing those 15 wonderful months with me.i look forward to sharing the rest of my life with you.

to resign or not to resign?

petiks mode in the office today. we don't have AZ classes because the Korean kids are celebrating Children's Day today.

what's a much better way to spend the minutes away aside from blogging and surfing the net? wala di ba? *wink*

my TL and i just had a one-on-one talk earlier as part of the bi-monthly performance evaluation for instructors.however, this one went a little way different than the previous evaluations that we had.we actually discussed about the issue of "resignation", which she has been hearing lately.she wanted to ask me why would i like to resign. i gave her an honest to goodness answer to her question.i told her, i feel bored at work already and would like to pursue a career closer to the education that i gained in the university.

and then, she was quick to add something like this, "ok, well that's an ideal reason to cite, now tell me, what's the real reson yna?"to that, i responded, it's the only real reason that i have. i'm aching for professional and career growth, i wanted to do something more challenging.and that, whatever problems that i may have with the company's management/policies/people are all secondary.

she then added, "uh well the company has plans for expansion, would you consider staying if the company offers you a supervisory/higher position?"i told her, i cannot say yes or no yet. of course, i will have to consider all the circumstances. at this moment, what i want is a really thriving career. a little bit more substantial than what i am doing right now. it's not just a matter of earning that counts now. there's an urging to find growth, and it's sad that i cannot find it here.

my TL is not actually that bad. she's probably one of the most precious gems of the company and i believe she is sincere in all her interactions with us.and it pains me to think that i will have to make a decision that would actually cause a heartache for her.although my resignation is really inevitable, she pleaded that i don't resign just yet. she will try to make work for me here more interesting.whatever that means, let's just wait and see. i hope it will really be interesting.

ah well, the only one sure thing right now is that i will resign. i am just not sure when.

i hurdled the dreaded exams. whew!

may 1 today. maligayang araw ng paggawa sa mga dakila nating obrero.

although it's labor today, i'm here in the office because we were required to go to work.we're serving foreigners, that's the reason behind it.no holiday for them today.

anyway, i'm here to share about my exam with PSRC yesterday.how was it? a mixture of hard and easy.we were given seven sets of exam. first is the math exam, followed by the aptitude exam and then the IQ test.we also had 3 sets of psych exam. and for the finale, we were given a qualitative and a quantitative exam.the quali part is just an essay. the quanti part is something in which you will have to use your analytical skillsto answer some market research questions. i'm not sure if my answer in that part is correct.

but anyway, i was interviewed by the HR head after the exam and i think she liked me.i am scheduled for another exam tomorrow with the Research Director and she reminded me to be at my best.better heed her advice. so for tonight, i will be doing my homework. will be reading something on market research and think of the possible answers to the possible questions that the RD might ask.

yna, break a leg again. :)

exam tomorrow

got a text message today from psrc.i was invited to take an exam in their office tomorrow.hmm, i'm a little tensed now. i actually do not know if i will be able to sleep soundly tonight.for sure, i will be thinking about this over and over while lying on my bed.funny, but that's just how i am when i get excited.

anyway, i've been texting friends and professors asking for tips about the exam, since this will be my first time to take the exam.

here's what they told me:from kuya regie: the exam would probably involve analytical and grammar exercises and case study writingfrom ms. psrc: IQ, APTITUDE, ESSAY and PSYCH TESTfrom prof devstud: aptitude exam and interview about market and business research.

i'll find out tomorrow.

well yna, break a leg! :)

A Job Fair Experience

Last saturday, rafi and i embarked on an adventure that any fresh graduate is likely to undergo --> job hunting.ours is thorugh job fair.

i heard about this job fair sponsored by the foreign chamber of commerce (if i'm not mistaken) through my mom.as you know, my parents are so eager that i find a job (although, i'm currently employed already. they know i want to get out of this office asap, i'm just waiting for a much better opportunity and better timing).and so, despite having already scheduled to meet my friends in Bulacan (joy was throwing a post-birthday lunch treat for her close friends),i decided to spare the morning and the afternoon going to the job fair in glorietta, with rafi of course.

well, i actually never thought i'd be able to go there. i woke up saturday morning prepared, excited and in the mood to go to the job fair.but with some twist of fate, or maybe because of my feminine nature, my mood abruptly change.blame that to mood swing, but admit it girls, our moods really change no matter how shallow the reason can be.that's just how we really are, sometimes. but not to worry, i'm trying to get over that weakness.anyway, i'm not going to talk here about the reason for my sudden mood swing. let's just say, we've got over it already and i'm trying to be more patient and understanding now.

going back to the topic of the job fair in glorietta, i just remembered that my friend told me the night before that a lot of people went to the job fair that day.i think, "a lot" is an understatement. rafi's mom went to describe it as resembling a queue for NFA rice. well, i guess, it was still an understatement.at first glance, you may think it really is not that long. picture playing snake II game in your Nokia handset. the longer you played, the longer you stayed alive,the more you ate the food, the longer the snake becomes. that's how it is with the queue. you may think that at one turn it's already the end of it. but nah, look around, there are more people waiting for their turn just to get near the registration booth. i only see one registration booth in the area, so that might be one of the reasons for the long queue.but of course, the underlying reason for that is the growing number of the unemployed. with the unprecedented rising inflation, people need to find job all the more. plus, the fact that it was broadcast in media, whew, you really should expect that people would swarm in there.

for my part, i am not really part of the unemployed. i am currently employed and is earning a decent income, enough to satisfy my simple needs and wants.but, i'm dissatisfied with my job now. most of us actually in the office are dissatisfied already. some blame it to mismanagement, disillusionment, etc.i blame mine to the undying urge to fulfill my personal legend. oh no! hahah.
so, to get to that personal legend, i feel i need to have professional and personal growth. and i feel i'm not getting that in my current job.don't get me wrong, my colleagues here are bunch of nice and lovable people. it's just that, i feel i'm cut to do something else.i've been teaching english to foreigners for almost a year now, and i'm aching to try a new job. something related to my college education of course. or something where i can learn a new skill. computer perhaps. foreign language probably. anything cerebral. anything that will sharpen my mind, in preparation to my plan of going to law school.

anyway, enough of that.

i noted three things that i learned/wonder about going to job fairs:

1. expect to see multitude of people in the place. there's always a loadful of unemployed people waiting for that one chance to grab a job. (of course, not all of them are unemployed,some could be just like me, dissatisfied with their current job.)

2. i realized that it's better not to queue with the big swarm of people and wait for your turn until you get to the registartion booth. it's better to just wait until the closing time is nearing and go close to the booth, once the long queue is gone. that's exactly what rafi and i did. we watched movie first (Jackie Chan's and Jet Li's Forbidden Kingdom), ate lunch, then went to Powerbooks to look for econ books, which sadly, they don't have there. nevertheless, we read berlitz and had a fun moment reading Dr. Dups.

3. i wonder how effective job fairs could be. i heard they will be calling potential candidates for the position within two weeks. well then, i still have two weeks to figure that out and they have twoweeks to prove to me that indeed, job fairs are (not) effective.

in my next entry, i will be updating you about the result of the job affair, if there is any. heheh. and perhaps, will also be posting something about Forbidden Kingdom.

i'm not happy anymore

so how's life lately? hmm. there's nothing significantly new.
i'm still my old self, only a little different.
i have my current job, but is already on the verge of transferring to a new one.
i feel bored. i feel i'm not learning.
i want something cerebral, i want something more challenging.
i know it would take me more time to find a new job,
not to mention the excruciating experiences taht i might encounter along the way.
i will wait. i have to be more patient.

blogging has never been an addiction.
i've had several blogs before but i kept on forgetting to update them every so often.
maybe forget is not exactly the correct term to use, rather it should be the lack of time and opportunity to do it.
i've had my previous blogs deleted because i felt it was so mushy and emotional and too personal.
now, i wanted to be more intellectual, serious and socially relevant as well.