I have been through this many times.
I've fought with him a lot. I've told him that I'm bored already, that I don't love him anymore and that maybe it is best that we end our relatiohnship already.
But at the end of the day, I will end up crying just like him. I will end up saying, i didn't mean whatever I said to him. I'd end up pleading that he be more patient with me.
I don't know if this is normal.
I hate emotional roller-coastering but it seems I was the one initiating it.
But I'm happy he stayed and promises he would stay no matter what. :)
Monday, June 16, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Independence day
Tomorrow is Mama's birthday and although she wouldn't be able to read this, i'll greet her anyway. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA! :)
Today, on the other hand, is 110th anniversary of the declaration of Philippine Independence. Coincidentally, today is the day when i had an interview with Mr. Enan dela Rosa of PBSP. Should i mark this day as my day of independence too? i hope so, but it is still unsure. The interview went okay. Exams followed in the afternoon. I was with my Bes, who didn't seem to be much aware of what's going to happen. Still, i'm happy he was there with me.
Last year, i've sent them my application letter and resume as i was interested to work for this org. Due to some twist of fate, it so happened that my application was overlooked and that only last week did they have interest in inviting me for a job interview.Bored as i am with the work that i am currently doing, i did not hesitate to pursue my application with them in the hope and strong belief that the work that i will be doing there will be somehow in line with my goals and desires plus my educational background.
So there I went, through the traffic jam and all. I came late even, but what the heck. I came, that's all that matters. I almost got angry with Bes because he was supposed to fetch me in our house in San Andres by eight but it was already a quarter past eight and still he was not there. But, i decided i will not get angry. (See, emotions are controllable Yna. You just have to learn how to master that. Bes is right.) For us to be there on time, I suggested we meet near Lawton. Good enough, he was there half past 8 while I was still caught in the heavy traffic jam. Too bad. I even missed the free LRT ride by the last minute. That's worse. Nevertheless, it was ok. I was at least able to get to our rendezvous at about five past nine. Then we took the pedicab and had to pay 30 for our fare. Were we overcharged?
The usual application process went. We had to fill out the form and wait till the receptionist summon us for the interview. My turn came and I was told to go to Function Room B where Mr. dela Rosa was waiting. The interview went for minutes, i was not able to count. He asked the usual questions. What are your strengths? What areas do you want to improve? He interrogated me about my previous job experiences and commended me for being so hardworking. Questions, more questions, till it was time for me to ask. And i said "are you kuya enan?" What a funny way to end the interview. :D
Since Bes was a walk-in applicant, the interview had to be done on a later date. We both took the exams in the afternoon along with four other applicants. The exams were manageable, not difficult, not easy but manageable. Then we left.
I had to tell my TL I'd be late for work and I had to make another excuse and justification as to why. It makes me feel a bit edgy whenever I had to do that. What if they find out? Isn't it wrong to tell lies? And i'd end up justifying that i have the privilege to go on leave especially now that I am regularized. I told Bes that if I continue to be absent for the following weeks, people here in the office might already suspect. That leaves me with no problem if I will have a new job waiting for me. That is actually better.
I just hope that this time, luck will stay on my side, as well as with my Bes'.
Happy Job hunting!
Today, on the other hand, is 110th anniversary of the declaration of Philippine Independence. Coincidentally, today is the day when i had an interview with Mr. Enan dela Rosa of PBSP. Should i mark this day as my day of independence too? i hope so, but it is still unsure. The interview went okay. Exams followed in the afternoon. I was with my Bes, who didn't seem to be much aware of what's going to happen. Still, i'm happy he was there with me.
Last year, i've sent them my application letter and resume as i was interested to work for this org. Due to some twist of fate, it so happened that my application was overlooked and that only last week did they have interest in inviting me for a job interview.Bored as i am with the work that i am currently doing, i did not hesitate to pursue my application with them in the hope and strong belief that the work that i will be doing there will be somehow in line with my goals and desires plus my educational background.
So there I went, through the traffic jam and all. I came late even, but what the heck. I came, that's all that matters. I almost got angry with Bes because he was supposed to fetch me in our house in San Andres by eight but it was already a quarter past eight and still he was not there. But, i decided i will not get angry. (See, emotions are controllable Yna. You just have to learn how to master that. Bes is right.) For us to be there on time, I suggested we meet near Lawton. Good enough, he was there half past 8 while I was still caught in the heavy traffic jam. Too bad. I even missed the free LRT ride by the last minute. That's worse. Nevertheless, it was ok. I was at least able to get to our rendezvous at about five past nine. Then we took the pedicab and had to pay 30 for our fare. Were we overcharged?
The usual application process went. We had to fill out the form and wait till the receptionist summon us for the interview. My turn came and I was told to go to Function Room B where Mr. dela Rosa was waiting. The interview went for minutes, i was not able to count. He asked the usual questions. What are your strengths? What areas do you want to improve? He interrogated me about my previous job experiences and commended me for being so hardworking. Questions, more questions, till it was time for me to ask. And i said "are you kuya enan?" What a funny way to end the interview. :D
Since Bes was a walk-in applicant, the interview had to be done on a later date. We both took the exams in the afternoon along with four other applicants. The exams were manageable, not difficult, not easy but manageable. Then we left.
I had to tell my TL I'd be late for work and I had to make another excuse and justification as to why. It makes me feel a bit edgy whenever I had to do that. What if they find out? Isn't it wrong to tell lies? And i'd end up justifying that i have the privilege to go on leave especially now that I am regularized. I told Bes that if I continue to be absent for the following weeks, people here in the office might already suspect. That leaves me with no problem if I will have a new job waiting for me. That is actually better.
I just hope that this time, luck will stay on my side, as well as with my Bes'.
Happy Job hunting!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
SORRY
for the harsh words.
for the unkind treatment.
for the pain.
for the shallowness.
for the narrow-mindedness.
for the unkind treatment.
for the pain.
for the shallowness.
for the narrow-mindedness.
Friday, May 9, 2008
am i rationalizing?
one week after the interviews, still no reply from psrc.i'm wondering if they are still going to call me up and inform me that i got the job.i'm still hanging.
meantime, i'm still here at my current job. wondering how things will be if i get regularized.by now, we should have signed our new contract for regularization, yet no contract has been handed to us.(i wonder why/i shouldn't wonder why.)
i just realized this morning, while watching "THE SECRET" that i seemed to have been focusing so much on what i want but don't have.i failed to appreciate what's with me now and the good things in it. like, i may not be working in an organization where i dreamed to be working when i was young;i may not be working in line with the education that i had in college;i may not be woring for a company that feeds my idealism,but the work that i have is not that bad after all.
i have cool workmates. i get to interact with people from different culture (probably helpful to me someday, i may never know).i get to feed my idealism of doing something significant and life changing.education changes a person's life in various ways, and i am actually affecting change in my students' lives.they learn from me and i help them become more competitive individuals.that's something.
i should really change my focus now.i don't have to hate my work really.i just have to learn to appreciate it more.i'm not gonna be tied to this for long. the opportunity that i have been waiting for will come. i just have to be patient.while waiting, i better get the most of the situation.
i'm still keeping my eyes on my dreams. as to how i will get there, i have no idea.i believe the universe will unfold that mystery in time.
meantime, i'm still here at my current job. wondering how things will be if i get regularized.by now, we should have signed our new contract for regularization, yet no contract has been handed to us.(i wonder why/i shouldn't wonder why.)
i just realized this morning, while watching "THE SECRET" that i seemed to have been focusing so much on what i want but don't have.i failed to appreciate what's with me now and the good things in it. like, i may not be working in an organization where i dreamed to be working when i was young;i may not be working in line with the education that i had in college;i may not be woring for a company that feeds my idealism,but the work that i have is not that bad after all.
i have cool workmates. i get to interact with people from different culture (probably helpful to me someday, i may never know).i get to feed my idealism of doing something significant and life changing.education changes a person's life in various ways, and i am actually affecting change in my students' lives.they learn from me and i help them become more competitive individuals.that's something.
i should really change my focus now.i don't have to hate my work really.i just have to learn to appreciate it more.i'm not gonna be tied to this for long. the opportunity that i have been waiting for will come. i just have to be patient.while waiting, i better get the most of the situation.
i'm still keeping my eyes on my dreams. as to how i will get there, i have no idea.i believe the universe will unfold that mystery in time.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
An Open Letter
15 months since the word was uttered, the promise was made and the commitment was formalized.15 months and we're still together, happy as before.maybe just a little more inspired and a little more committed.
the past was good, full of trials and challenges that we were able to survive. i think we're stronger than ever.
the present is lovelier.anticipating how each day unfolds and experiencing how different we were from before gives me a feeling of awe and inspiration.
looking ahead, i can see only beautiful visions of the future.with the options now laid before us, the critical thing to do is choose.but whatever path we may decide to take and wherever destination it will lead us,i don't feel scared. i know i can cling to him for support. we will brave whatever storm comes our way, TOGETHER.
to my Bes, thanks for sharing those 15 wonderful months with me.i look forward to sharing the rest of my life with you.
the past was good, full of trials and challenges that we were able to survive. i think we're stronger than ever.
the present is lovelier.anticipating how each day unfolds and experiencing how different we were from before gives me a feeling of awe and inspiration.
looking ahead, i can see only beautiful visions of the future.with the options now laid before us, the critical thing to do is choose.but whatever path we may decide to take and wherever destination it will lead us,i don't feel scared. i know i can cling to him for support. we will brave whatever storm comes our way, TOGETHER.
to my Bes, thanks for sharing those 15 wonderful months with me.i look forward to sharing the rest of my life with you.
Monday, May 5, 2008
to resign or not to resign?
petiks mode in the office today. we don't have AZ classes because the Korean kids are celebrating Children's Day today.
what's a much better way to spend the minutes away aside from blogging and surfing the net? wala di ba? *wink*
my TL and i just had a one-on-one talk earlier as part of the bi-monthly performance evaluation for instructors.however, this one went a little way different than the previous evaluations that we had.we actually discussed about the issue of "resignation", which she has been hearing lately.she wanted to ask me why would i like to resign. i gave her an honest to goodness answer to her question.i told her, i feel bored at work already and would like to pursue a career closer to the education that i gained in the university.
and then, she was quick to add something like this, "ok, well that's an ideal reason to cite, now tell me, what's the real reson yna?"to that, i responded, it's the only real reason that i have. i'm aching for professional and career growth, i wanted to do something more challenging.and that, whatever problems that i may have with the company's management/policies/people are all secondary.
she then added, "uh well the company has plans for expansion, would you consider staying if the company offers you a supervisory/higher position?"i told her, i cannot say yes or no yet. of course, i will have to consider all the circumstances. at this moment, what i want is a really thriving career. a little bit more substantial than what i am doing right now. it's not just a matter of earning that counts now. there's an urging to find growth, and it's sad that i cannot find it here.
my TL is not actually that bad. she's probably one of the most precious gems of the company and i believe she is sincere in all her interactions with us.and it pains me to think that i will have to make a decision that would actually cause a heartache for her.although my resignation is really inevitable, she pleaded that i don't resign just yet. she will try to make work for me here more interesting.whatever that means, let's just wait and see. i hope it will really be interesting.
ah well, the only one sure thing right now is that i will resign. i am just not sure when.
what's a much better way to spend the minutes away aside from blogging and surfing the net? wala di ba? *wink*
my TL and i just had a one-on-one talk earlier as part of the bi-monthly performance evaluation for instructors.however, this one went a little way different than the previous evaluations that we had.we actually discussed about the issue of "resignation", which she has been hearing lately.she wanted to ask me why would i like to resign. i gave her an honest to goodness answer to her question.i told her, i feel bored at work already and would like to pursue a career closer to the education that i gained in the university.
and then, she was quick to add something like this, "ok, well that's an ideal reason to cite, now tell me, what's the real reson yna?"to that, i responded, it's the only real reason that i have. i'm aching for professional and career growth, i wanted to do something more challenging.and that, whatever problems that i may have with the company's management/policies/people are all secondary.
she then added, "uh well the company has plans for expansion, would you consider staying if the company offers you a supervisory/higher position?"i told her, i cannot say yes or no yet. of course, i will have to consider all the circumstances. at this moment, what i want is a really thriving career. a little bit more substantial than what i am doing right now. it's not just a matter of earning that counts now. there's an urging to find growth, and it's sad that i cannot find it here.
my TL is not actually that bad. she's probably one of the most precious gems of the company and i believe she is sincere in all her interactions with us.and it pains me to think that i will have to make a decision that would actually cause a heartache for her.although my resignation is really inevitable, she pleaded that i don't resign just yet. she will try to make work for me here more interesting.whatever that means, let's just wait and see. i hope it will really be interesting.
ah well, the only one sure thing right now is that i will resign. i am just not sure when.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
i hurdled the dreaded exams. whew!
may 1 today. maligayang araw ng paggawa sa mga dakila nating obrero.
although it's labor today, i'm here in the office because we were required to go to work.we're serving foreigners, that's the reason behind it.no holiday for them today.
anyway, i'm here to share about my exam with PSRC yesterday.how was it? a mixture of hard and easy.we were given seven sets of exam. first is the math exam, followed by the aptitude exam and then the IQ test.we also had 3 sets of psych exam. and for the finale, we were given a qualitative and a quantitative exam.the quali part is just an essay. the quanti part is something in which you will have to use your analytical skillsto answer some market research questions. i'm not sure if my answer in that part is correct.
but anyway, i was interviewed by the HR head after the exam and i think she liked me.i am scheduled for another exam tomorrow with the Research Director and she reminded me to be at my best.better heed her advice. so for tonight, i will be doing my homework. will be reading something on market research and think of the possible answers to the possible questions that the RD might ask.
yna, break a leg again. :)
although it's labor today, i'm here in the office because we were required to go to work.we're serving foreigners, that's the reason behind it.no holiday for them today.
anyway, i'm here to share about my exam with PSRC yesterday.how was it? a mixture of hard and easy.we were given seven sets of exam. first is the math exam, followed by the aptitude exam and then the IQ test.we also had 3 sets of psych exam. and for the finale, we were given a qualitative and a quantitative exam.the quali part is just an essay. the quanti part is something in which you will have to use your analytical skillsto answer some market research questions. i'm not sure if my answer in that part is correct.
but anyway, i was interviewed by the HR head after the exam and i think she liked me.i am scheduled for another exam tomorrow with the Research Director and she reminded me to be at my best.better heed her advice. so for tonight, i will be doing my homework. will be reading something on market research and think of the possible answers to the possible questions that the RD might ask.
yna, break a leg again. :)
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